just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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