either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
