so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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