great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
