Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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