garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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