Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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