exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
