We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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