Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize