O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
