After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
