38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i think i have two assholes
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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