my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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