There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
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