I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there's paper in my vomit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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