Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
