Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
