I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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