just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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