my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize