so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
