Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's just like the Real World with babies
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
