We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
