Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.