He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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