Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
