Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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