what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
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there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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