she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I understand Curling. That high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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