sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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