Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
