so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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