He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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