I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
