I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
