I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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