oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
