Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
