the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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