My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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