I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
