Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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