he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
