Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
