Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
