strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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