We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
