Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
