I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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