he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
