Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
