i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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