Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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