If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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