So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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