I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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