me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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