using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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