Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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