1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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