I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
