i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
