My sheets look like a crime scene.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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