it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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