Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
