throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
