I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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