I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I will die if light touches me.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
