I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
