I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
