I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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