okay pat passed out under dana's car
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
