Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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