in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
