My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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