you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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