How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
