Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
