I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
