Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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